In this country, getting wasted is a staple of Western expat life and we were eager participants. Make sure your expectations for their recovery are realistic. Try not to enable their substance use behaviors, but also try to release expectations of perfection. That’s because codependency is a relationship trait and condition that’s independent of the substance use itself. In other words, it continues even when the substance use has stopped.

How to Recover When Your Partner Gets Sober

But sometimes, both partners struggle with substance use. Rebuilding a marriage damaged by alcoholism isn’t easy. It requires strength, patience, and a commitment to recovery that outlasts the toughest days. The effects of a spouse’s alcohol misuse extend beyond the marital relationship.

Interview with Chantal Jauvin, author “Love Without Martinis.”

For the recovering addict, this means absolute honesty is essential. If you divorce rates after sobriety continue to lie to or mislead your spouse, trust can never be regained. After the addict has recovered, however, repairing the relationship is possible. Although rebuilding trust and intimacy will be difficult, you can put your marriage back together using the tips below. They feel they are not enough or wanted once the former addict becomes a full functioning independent adult and may walk out of the marriage.

I’m Sober and My Spouse Is Not: Will Our Marriage Work?

When asking whether marriage can survive sobriety, the answer can be yes—if a couple takes a healthy approach to managing their problems and discussing their feelings. It will take time to rebuild trust so it’s important to not put pressure on each other and instead take it one day at a time. In some ways, re-establishing a marriage in the wake of addiction is like dating and getting to know someone new, so it can be helpful to connect on specific date nights. It is vital for couples to have outside support during this time.

It can take a toll physically, as the person in recovery is going through withdrawal symptoms that can be very intense. It may be impossible for a spouse to care for a partner who is experiencing nausea and vomiting, fatigue, lethargy, lack of appetite, and excessive sweating and bodily shaking. Therapy can make a big impact on repairing your marriage after addiction treatment.

Addiction is the third most-cited reason for divorce in the United States. Had I not gotten sober, we likely would’ve gone that way as well. He became both my support system and my target and we were utterly codependent as many alcoholics can be (me, not him). We gladly paid upwards of $100 USD per person for 4-5 hours of unlimited drinks and buffets.

It’s an old adage that communication is vital in marriage anyway, and that’s especially true when one or both partners are recovering addicts. My addiction has spanned over 3 decades of drug and alcohol abuse. Due to my addiction, it has negatively impacted my wife and four children. Silver Ridge staff were very nurturing and supportive through all my phases of recovery.

Similarly, dependence delayed marriage for men starting around age 30. On top of marrying later, it also seemed these individuals separated or divorced sooner. Partners are accustomed to their roles – the addict being unreliable and dependent, and the partner being a super-responsible fixer. In Codependency for Dummies, I term these roles Underdog and Top Dog.

Greater Chances of Marrying Someone with AUD

Silver Ridge by far has been the experience of my life. It doesn’t matter if you are the one struggling with addiction or codependency. Stress can come in a lot of different forms when you’re trying to get sober – marriage doesn’t have to be one of them. If your partner has stuck by you through your addiction, then they’re most likely willing to support your recovery process as well. Taking a few extra steps can make the experience smoother for both you and your spouse as you work towards your path to recovery. The decision to pursue sobriety is major and life-changing, both for the addict and for the spouse.

• I’ve found statistics that indicate a 20% increase in divorce rate for couples dealing with alcoholism in the marriage.
• It is a persistent pattern of alcohol consumption that causes distress or significant impairment, often disrupting family life, including marital relationships.
• This affliction doesn’t discriminate—it can strike any marriage, irrespective of socio-economic status, love, or the strength of the initial bond.
• And later, after marriage, work, and family life begin to be more demanding, this foundation of casual alcohol use may gradually increase as a way to manage daily stress.
• This eventually led him back to school for a degree in psychology.
• Both the person recovering from addiction and their partner need time to heal from the negative impacts addiction had on their relationship.

It’s said that maturity stops when addiction begins. Hopefully, the addict is getting support from a 12-Step program and an experienced sponsor or counselor. In new sobriety, couples don’t really know how to talk to one another.